The PR Fix for the Everyday Person

IMG_7314"Be positive!" "Have a positive attitude." We hear phrases and quotes all the time encouraging us to be more positive.  Deep down inside, we know that being positive is always better for our soul, actions and outcomes, but sometimes it's very hard to keep an upbeat demeanor. I was recently asked, "How can I be positive when so many bad things are happening in my life?"  To which I answered that being positive doesn't mean that you constantly have a huge, fake clown smile on your face or are bounding with enthusiasm when you don't feel it in your heart. Rather, it means you have a genuine feeling of optimism and block as much negativity from your experiences as possible.  Heading in this direction invites positivity, in people, in conversation, in results and more, into your life.
06 October, 2015 /
flowersThere are relationships in life that happen by default, such as with  co-workers, stepchildren, in laws, college roommates, or the parent of your child's BFF.  In these cases, you find yourself automatically connected to someone, who you may not have normally chosen to befriend, because of your relationship with your loved one or work. Default relationships are not to be underestimated. They could make or break your most important relationships. So, what if you don't particularly get along with your default relationships?  You don't have to be besties with these folks, but you do need to put time and effort into making these interactions easy going and comfortable. Why? Because your relationship with your spouse or child or status at work depend on it.  A peaceful family or workplace is a content one.  You never want your spouse to feel like he has to choose between his parents or you or his children from a previous marriage or you.  That's not fair. Here are 5 ways to connect with your default relationships:
03 August, 2015 /
Beach BudsWe believe that one of the building blocks of fostering good relationships is being easy and comfortable with conversation in everyday social situations, such as at work, school, the drugstore, the gym, etc.  Having a friendly demeanor, grace and tact in everyday conversation are learned skills that take practice.  Many of us hone these skills through experience.  Often, this happens as we get older, move away from home, and become independent. When I look back on my younger years, I realize that I only began thoughtfully considering my social etiquette in college, where I found myself in a new city full of strangers and a variety of cultural and societal norms that I was a bit unfamiliar with.  I grew up in a small island community where everyone knew each other or were somehow connected, and this set a scene for mostly casual, comfortable personal interactions.  I didn't consider myself uncouth or anti-social, but apprehensive and awkward at times.  I think that this resulted in somewhat holding myself back on exploring a handful of opportunities.  As the saying goes, I lived and learned, and I am appreciative for my experiences as it helped me grow.
27 July, 2015 /
IMG_0567Given the choice, few people want to visit or live in a country in a state of civil war. Likewise, few people want to visit or be someone who is at war with themselves. When you’re facing internal battles you are just like a country in a state of civil war. You’re distracted, you have little attention for anything besides your unrest, you may be irritable, you may collapse and isolate yourself, and when you do finally see the light, it’s hard work to fully recover. Many people don’t even realize that they’re in a state of civil war. Like those who live in war zones, they get used to being on edge, to living in conflict, to that feeling of malaise, and to being in survival mode all the time. They don’t remember what it feels like to be happy and at ease, or to be confident and decisive, or how to thrive instead of just survive.
23 July, 2015 /
Thumbs Up, Thumbs DownWhen you listen to others’ conversations, it’s amazing how much negative content there is. Many people use pessimistic, sometimes downright mean words as a matter of course. They complain. They express worry constantly. They judge and criticize. You can do better than that. In fact you need to if you’re going to be happy and have happy relationships. If your words are full of bile, your thoughts must be just as dark. What’s the point in that? If you’re thinking and speaking about bad things all day, you will be miserable. And you don’t need to be. Words and thoughts are things we can choose. They’re among the few things we have control over so get a handle on them now.
20 July, 2015 /
Baptism 063One of the easiest ways to boost your relationships, whether it may be with a friend, family member, colleague, etc., is to keep in touch.  This may seem like a simple act with minimal effect, but it will truly enhance any of your relationships from those with whom you are the closest to casual acquaintances. One of our FMPR Scholars has kept in touch with us regularly for years.  We ask each of our recipients to send us an update of their schooling at the end of the year that they received our award. So they are  only required to contact us once.  This didn't stop this one particular Scholar from keeping in touch after every semester as she pursued her degree.  We loved receiving the letters from her.  Her mom would also email us updates and photos from time to time.  When they wrote, they would always express gratitude for our scholarship.  Because we developed a relationship with her and her mother over the years as they continued to reach out to us, we decided to award her with an additional scholarship.  This individual has become so special to us, and we'll do whatever we we can to help her succeed.  Our feelings for her were cultivated through her constant communication with us.  
14 July, 2015 /
TandBabyPI'll never forget the day that I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and one of my friends posted a photo of her newborn baby and somewhat snidely pointed out that this was her first post to announce the arrival of her baby, which insinuated that others had posted her good news before she had. Yikes! I'm sure that those who had posted about her baby before she did, did not intentionally mean to upset her or steal her thunder.  Sometimes, in the midst of chronicaling our lives, "ATM," we forego social etiquette that we normally practice in person with others.  We must remember that the same basic rules of common courtesy apply to social media.  In fact, I would assert that we must be even more attentive to our conduct online because of its permanence and reach.
06 July, 2015 /
I was once pulled over by a police officer as I was driving along a busy road.  When he approached my truck window, he was very stern and gruff.  He explained that he pulled me over for speeding.  As he spoke, I had a million thoughts running through my mind, from "I want to crawl into a hole and die because people are driving by looking at me like a common criminal,"  (or so I perceived) to "Ahhh! Why is this officer so scary?" to "How am going to explain this to my safe-driving-stickler husband?" When the officer handed me the nausea-inducing slip of paper that was the speeding ticket, the only thing that I could think of to say that made me feel somewhat decent was "Thank you."  Yes, I gathered myself up enough to quickly realize that any excuse for speeding would be pathetic and that being flippant, defensive, or mad would just make me look like a fool.  So I said "Thank you."  It was then that the officer looked me with surprise in his eyes and dropped his hard core demeanor. He softened his tone, bid me a gentle goodbye, and went along his way.
03 July, 2015 /
Laakea Eating CakeOne PR Fix, or communication upgrade, that I learned at the beginning of my career, is to replace using the word "but" with "and" to soften unfavorable language.  While this has come in handy in business, it's also been useful in my personal communication as well. Before I learned this, I never really considered how the terms "but," "however," or "yet" can actually be negative.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized that they are mainly used in contrary to something and have a subtle way to bring down a conversation.  Why?  Because many times, "but" is used as an excuse or a crutch.  Over and over people use "but" to take the accountability off of their shoulders.  For example, "I did my homework, BUT I don't have it with me because my dog ate it." Or "I would have been on time, BUT I got stuck in traffic."  Even though this is not the case for all uses of "but," the frequency of  using a "but statement" as a justification for a mistake has dirtied the interpretation of the word.
29 June, 2015 /