For Families

IMG_0567Given the choice, few people want to visit or live in a country in a state of civil war. Likewise, few people want to visit or be someone who is at war with themselves. When you’re facing internal battles you are just like a country in a state of civil war. You’re distracted, you have little attention for anything besides your unrest, you may be irritable, you may collapse and isolate yourself, and when you do finally see the light, it’s hard work to fully recover. Many people don’t even realize that they’re in a state of civil war. Like those who live in war zones, they get used to being on edge, to living in conflict, to that feeling of malaise, and to being in survival mode all the time. They don’t remember what it feels like to be happy and at ease, or to be confident and decisive, or how to thrive instead of just survive.
23 July, 2015 /
Thumbs Up, Thumbs DownWhen you listen to others’ conversations, it’s amazing how much negative content there is. Many people use pessimistic, sometimes downright mean words as a matter of course. They complain. They express worry constantly. They judge and criticize. You can do better than that. In fact you need to if you’re going to be happy and have happy relationships. If your words are full of bile, your thoughts must be just as dark. What’s the point in that? If you’re thinking and speaking about bad things all day, you will be miserable. And you don’t need to be. Words and thoughts are things we can choose. They’re among the few things we have control over so get a handle on them now.
20 July, 2015 /
Baptism 063One of the easiest ways to boost your relationships, whether it may be with a friend, family member, colleague, etc., is to keep in touch.  This may seem like a simple act with minimal effect, but it will truly enhance any of your relationships from those with whom you are the closest to casual acquaintances. One of our FMPR Scholars has kept in touch with us regularly for years.  We ask each of our recipients to send us an update of their schooling at the end of the year that they received our award. So they are  only required to contact us once.  This didn't stop this one particular Scholar from keeping in touch after every semester as she pursued her degree.  We loved receiving the letters from her.  Her mom would also email us updates and photos from time to time.  When they wrote, they would always express gratitude for our scholarship.  Because we developed a relationship with her and her mother over the years as they continued to reach out to us, we decided to award her with an additional scholarship.  This individual has become so special to us, and we'll do whatever we we can to help her succeed.  Our feelings for her were cultivated through her constant communication with us.  
14 July, 2015 /
TandBabyPI'll never forget the day that I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and one of my friends posted a photo of her newborn baby and somewhat snidely pointed out that this was her first post to announce the arrival of her baby, which insinuated that others had posted her good news before she had. Yikes! I'm sure that those who had posted about her baby before she did, did not intentionally mean to upset her or steal her thunder.  Sometimes, in the midst of chronicaling our lives, "ATM," we forego social etiquette that we normally practice in person with others.  We must remember that the same basic rules of common courtesy apply to social media.  In fact, I would assert that we must be even more attentive to our conduct online because of its permanence and reach.
06 July, 2015 /
I was once pulled over by a police officer as I was driving along a busy road.  When he approached my truck window, he was very stern and gruff.  He explained that he pulled me over for speeding.  As he spoke, I had a million thoughts running through my mind, from "I want to crawl into a hole and die because people are driving by looking at me like a common criminal,"  (or so I perceived) to "Ahhh! Why is this officer so scary?" to "How am going to explain this to my safe-driving-stickler husband?" When the officer handed me the nausea-inducing slip of paper that was the speeding ticket, the only thing that I could think of to say that made me feel somewhat decent was "Thank you."  Yes, I gathered myself up enough to quickly realize that any excuse for speeding would be pathetic and that being flippant, defensive, or mad would just make me look like a fool.  So I said "Thank you."  It was then that the officer looked me with surprise in his eyes and dropped his hard core demeanor. He softened his tone, bid me a gentle goodbye, and went along his way.
03 July, 2015 /
Laakea Eating CakeOne PR Fix, or communication upgrade, that I learned at the beginning of my career, is to replace using the word "but" with "and" to soften unfavorable language.  While this has come in handy in business, it's also been useful in my personal communication as well. Before I learned this, I never really considered how the terms "but," "however," or "yet" can actually be negative.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized that they are mainly used in contrary to something and have a subtle way to bring down a conversation.  Why?  Because many times, "but" is used as an excuse or a crutch.  Over and over people use "but" to take the accountability off of their shoulders.  For example, "I did my homework, BUT I don't have it with me because my dog ate it." Or "I would have been on time, BUT I got stuck in traffic."  Even though this is not the case for all uses of "but," the frequency of  using a "but statement" as a justification for a mistake has dirtied the interpretation of the word.
29 June, 2015 /
I've been through two hurricanes in my lifetime.  The most recent was Hurricane Iniki, which was a category 4 storm that devastated our island of Kauai, Hawaii in 1992.  Every year when hurricane season starts in June with the arrival of El Nino or La Nina seasons, we are reminded by media, utility companies, and government entities to prepare hurricane survival kits and become familiar with procedures in the case that this type of natural disaster occurs.  What my family has learned through our hurricane experiences is that in addition to those things, creating a Family Hurricane Plan is a critical component to preparedness. A Family Hurricane Plan allows for family members to consider and discuss where they will be and what they will need to do in this type of situation.  It also puts a system in place for how you will contact each other after the storm.  One of the most stressful parts of the aftermath of a hurricane is not being able to contact loved ones to either check to see if they're okay or to let them know how you are doing.  The Family Hurricane Plan is poised to make things in this type of difficult event as orderly as possible. My family's hurricane plan encompasses more than 30 individuals spanning five generations. There is no limit to how many individuals can be involved in one plan, and when I say "family" I don't mean that you have to be blood related to be included in a Family Hurricane Plan. Any group of friends or neighbors that care for each other can develop a plan together. 
26 June, 2015 /
Warthog_06-13There is always a way to graciously address any situation, no matter how uncomfortable. Plain and simple: ignoring the truth or being phony feeds into the discomfort of the most awkward situations and makes them worse.
15 June, 2015 /
CandlesThis may seem elementary, but it isn’t. The truth gets cloudy sometimes, and that’s what gets us in trouble. Most of us don’t intentionally lie or exaggerate the truth to hurt anyone. In fact, many of us get caught up in an occasional white lie or embellishment to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. You know what we mean. “I’m so sorry, I can’t attend your son’s play because I have another appointment at that time,” (even though you don’t).  In today’s modern world, we’ve become too accustomed to seeing media, paparazzi, and advertising exaggerate the truth.  Embellishment has almost become the norm, and we’ve become desensitized to it. What’s so wrong with a white lie to preserve a friend’s feelings? Well, first off, what would happen if they found out that you fibbed? How would they feel then? And what would your friend feel about you?  Besides that consequence, the fact is, when you tell a lie, your intentions are to deceive, and deception is never the right thing.  It’s just not good for the soul.
12 June, 2015 /